Tom Waits - The Piano Has Been Drinking (Not Me) Lyrics






The piano has been drinking, my necktie is asleep
And the combo went back to New York, the jukebox has to take a leak
And the carpet needs a haircut, and the spotlight looks like a prison break
And the telephone's out of cigarettes, and the balcony is on the make
And the piano has been drinking, the piano has been drinking...

And the menus are all freezing, and the light man's blind in one eye
And he can't see out of the other
And the piano-tuner's got a hearing aid, and he showed up with his mother
And the piano has been drinking, the piano has been drinking
As the bouncer is a Sumo wrestler cream-puff casper milktoast
And the owner is a mental midget with the I.Q. of a fence post
'Cause the piano has been drinking, the piano has been drinking...

And you can't find your waitress with a Geiger counter
And she hates you and your friends and you just can't get served without her
And the box-office is drooling, and the bar stools are on fire
And the newspapers were fooling, and the ash-trays have retired
'Cause the piano has been drinking, the piano has been drinking
The piano has been drinking, not me, not me, not me, not me, not me





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Tom Waits The Piano Has Been Drinking (Not Me) Comments
  1. R.... O....

    Overstated pictures.. Close your eyes people!

    R.... O....

    I would say that the pictures bring out the humour in the lyrics without swamping the sadness. Consequently I keep coming back to this video.

  2. S.... ....

    English teachers:


    hmMMMM

  3. G.... S....

    This is what i aspire to when i am in the shower naked if I'm sober or otherwise when i am inebriated.

  4. J.... K....

    1:52 *VOLVO XC. Here is Bangkok-Johnnie at the wheel of a Volvo XC60 T8 in the Kingdom of Thailand* https://youtu.be/VOggAvPuLmM

  5. J.... K....

    *Thanks 'MasterBiblicalMemory'. Sutt Yooooooot, as we say in Thailand* https://youtu.be/g3vDMTsuGuQ

  6. K.... S....

    HBD #70 Tom!

  7. M.... ....

    I watched the first thirty seconds, and my vision blurred, my brother got sick

  8. K.... S....

    I am so dead😂

  9. P.... P....

    This is equivalent to a sloppy drunken rant at 3:30am or a a chalkboard in a shredder.

  10. l.... s....

    Alcohol has been my best friend ever since I had to live

  11. d.... ....

    I know this is funny lyrics, but I felt so sad. And I don’t know why.
    Just so sad.

  12. M.... F....

    Is it just me or is this an ode to Lucy #2 by Shane MacGowan

  13. S.... C....

    I hear ya Tom.

  14. n.... w....

    God damn Tom Waits sucks.

    n.... w....

    ...or maybe he's a genius?

  15. I.... D....

    Don't press read more

  16. C.... V....

    Your waitress fucking hates you

  17. B.... M....

    Lost the Stanley cup
    Everyone in Boston has been drinking

    B.... M....

    Thats alright. We won it. Everyone was drinking here too. I BLEED BLUE! Woooo!! Though its not like they gave it to us, they made em work for it to the last game.

    B.... M....

    Edward Modglin, my dog was drunk by the end of that game

  18. w.... f....

    가사에 맞춘 영상....^^ 재미있게 잘 봤습니다.

  19. r.... 3....

    Shhhh it's not me it not my fault the piano is drunk. It talks to me and I made me drink the liquor.

  20. H.... S....

    Beautiful

  21. A.... L....

    Genius slides, bro.

  22. C.... D....

    I never comment because I really have nothing to say. Usually.


    I must say I really enjoyed this video. It's kind of obvious that this was not a studio production but you still pulled it off. The 'not me' with 3 different pictures (at the end) really drove my need to comment. I think I am going to link this to my website so you might get more views. (This is of course a few months down the road, as I wish to be complete with my site.)


    Have a wonderful day. Again, I took delight in watching this.

  23. J.... j....

    Poetry for all the rain dogs ,not me 😎

  24. S.... W....

    And the urinal pissed all over the guy next to me while the cook was making hard boiled eggs in a stall....And the piano has been drinking....

  25. M.... S....

    Tom Waits is a treasure of mankind.

  26. D.... ....

    Beautiful....sad

  27. C.... ....

    This is like a bill wurtz song but dialed down a bit

  28. D.... H....

    Video's distracting.

  29. A.... E....

    That's my new-year song. I listen to it every beginning of a year.

  30. D.... B....

    Not me, not me, not me, not me

  31. M.... M....

    Ahhh. Drunk music...who can relate?!

  32. S.... D....

    I so want that last image of Tom for a t-shirt design!

  33. P.... W....

    For the love of Christ!

  34. S.... C....

    Okay so this might be a very unique point of view. But this song was my introduction to Tom Waits. And now I am by far a huge Tom Waits fan. I have every album he has ever produced and I have a ridiculous amount of bootlegs and not available in the US recordings. But this was the song the first grabbed my attention and it was because of Doctor Demento. Is there anybody who shares my story. Even if it's just first being aware of Tom Waits because of Doctor Demento.

    S.... C....

    Dr. Demento perverted many a youth, I am one. He was a door to many worlds.

    S.... C....

    @Charles Roberts so true... Weird Al as a kid, fish heads, Emo Phillips, Halloween specials, Christmas specials, 30 point bucks, psychopathiy sexualls (sp). Spike Jones, I still have tapes of his show I recorded of the radio. ( I guess that could be considered illegal these days. LOL)

    S.... C....

    @Seth Cragan I wonder if it would be OK to upload them to Youtube, there's other Dr. D on here. Cheers.

    S.... C....

    @Charles Roberts I'll try to figure that out.. I have one of his Halloween specials and one of his Christmas specials and the tape is still surprisingly in pretty good shape. I was a bit of an audio file as a kid so I only bought the good quality metal Maxell blank tapes. I've had to replace a couple of the felt squares but they still sound good.

    S.... C....

    @Seth Cragan I'll keep a bookmark of your channel to check once in a while. One of my high school friends who turned me on to being an artist because he was one, used to have us hang out in his basement on the weekends, with his Mother's OK(!) also turned me on to Dr. Demento and underground comics, Robert Crumb, Frank Zappa, Bogart movies, "Sinister Cinema", etc., etc. Oh what GREAT memories!

  35. l.... d....

    These photos are are a great try, i prefir the song without your distractions. so fuck off.

  36. w.... G....

    Diolch!

  37. F.... G....

    Genius :)

  38. q.... ....

    Ja, verslaving aan drank en sigaretten...ik ben niet sterk genoeg geweest om daar goed mee om te gaan. Heeft me veel lekkere en creatieve momenten opgeleverd. Maar ook veel verdriet naar mijn dierbaren, vergeetachtigheid, matige gezondheid, leven in een roes...Ik zeg er geen sorry voor....dit was mijn leven. Alles had anders kunnen gaan, maar het is zoals het gegaan is.

    q.... ....

    Those steins are just too big

  39. j.... w....

    Masterpiece

  40. w.... f....

    가사와 사진...예술적 합이네요^^ 잘봤습니다

  41. R.... P....

    i like this song.

  42. S.... A....

    fooling...not "folding"

  43. D.... E....

    These photos, you ruined a great song. They suck, but hey it's a free country.

  44. D.... W....

    ˈeks(ə)lənt !

  45. c.... j....

    Lmao Annika's Channika

  46. W.... B....

    Your so awsome!!!

  47. R.... ....

    Tom Waits is such a brilliant song writer & musician. I'm writing a song so I can get inspired

  48. L.... t....

    The whole point of the video is the piano has been drinking not him

  49. G.... S....

    Cream Puff, Casper, Milk Toast---lost my shit...perfect..

  50. A.... Z....

    This IS the theme song for last call.

    A.... Z....

    way better than closing time

  51. H.... ....

    This is fucking genius. Anyone who's ever played the piano while drunk knows exactly what he's talking about. There are so many different emotions rising to the surface that you just can't articulate them and you grow more weary with each passing moment.

  52. S.... M....

    but THE TROMBONE is SNORTING COKE ....

  53. t.... ....

    Really distractingly stupid photos which would have gotten a ThumbsDown -- except it's Tom! The photos upstage Tom's absolute genius in the same way that Clooney (boo, hiss!) did on the last Letterman. MasterBiblicalMemory who created this abortion deserves a negative zero!

  54. M.... R....

    I haven't heard this song in literally decades. Thank you.

  55. L.... B....

    The piano tuner DID have an hearing aid. MOM showed up later... His Loss..

  56. K.... M....

    very nicely illustrated also

  57. K.... R....

    Favourite song of all time.

  58. E.... A....

    Oh my..your video is awful

  59. P.... M....

    Heard this song for the first time today while drivn home from work...now with a glass of wine...its good company

  60. M.... D....

    As french tha am I your wods sounds so powerfull

  61. S.... B....

    And Kasper is quite spot on, as he's seen the awful slide show, and it couldn't be much worse for us as it assumes we've got no imagination. But the piano has been drinking. So let's raise a glass to its upright standing, though we may fumble with the keys, and the piano has been drinking, not me......

  62. T.... T....

    My drink has been drinking

  63. E.... V....

    I sang this song at Karaoke last Saturday night. Three people seemed to like it, the others just looked at me like I pissed on the stage. I'm not sure which reception I enjoyed more...

    E.... V....

    now you know how tom felt every preformance

    E.... V....

    You mean there's a K-version of this? (Well I guess that isn't so surprising; there's a K-version of Tom Lehrer's "Poisoning Pigeons In The Park", after all.)

    I'll have to give this one a try too sometime.

    E.... V....

    Earl Vernon Were you smoking a cigarette at the same time? Because that’s important...

    E.... V....

    I wish, but in southern California apparently you can only smoke inside drain pipes and vacant lots on the outskirts of town. Unfortunately, no karaoke in the drain pipe or vacant lot that night...

  64. M.... ....

    you are all missing the point , its an anti govnerment song ... replace piano with govnerment .. balcony is high rise buildings , carpet is a refurral to skinheads , you wont find a waitress in a nuclear war . the light man is the white man blinded by the gov , the neck tie is the kids are asleep not knowing wats going on ... Wake up ppl .. He was trying to warn us :(

    M.... ....

    MegaWizeguy no it's a song about Tom Waits' real life alcoholism:

    M.... ....

    its the the truth eater way

    M.... ....

    What type of weed were you smoking?

    M.... ....

    Get off, don't mix this Poetry with politics, barf.

    M.... ....

    @Sarah Hoffman Loco Weed, AKA Jimsonweed.

  65. t.... 1....

    0:55 LOL, the baby

  66. H.... K....

    First Tom Waits song I ever heard, and I heard it on Dr. Demento!

    H.... K....

    Dr. Demento perverted many a youth, I am one. He was a door to many worlds.

  67. M.... y....

    This is drunkenly brilliant!

  68. A.... M....

    This song is absolute dross; but that's just my opinion.

    Never really got tom waits but heard this a few weeks ago and just remembered it and fuck me it's awful.

  69. k.... d....

    this is magic at it best really is

  70. E.... S....

    The best ever

  71. S.... J....

    Brilliant video for this song. Thanks for uploading :)

  72. A.... R....

    122 people have the mouse drunk

  73. J.... R....

    "The newspapers were fooling" he sings it clearer in the life version from Dublin.

  74. t.... ....

    see I knew it wasn't me, all this time it was that god damn piano, hes to blame

  75. B.... ....

    How dang literal can you get?

  76. g.... ....

    I hate this video as much as I love this song.

  77. C.... F....

    Great video

  78. J.... C....

    I don't know about anyone else, but I think Tom described a long night on the sauce and a shitty bar perfectly.

    J.... C....

    Anyone that disagrees with this is wrong

  79. c.... b....

    and bla bla bla as lenord Cohen said . seems to me only Tom Waits could have written that maybe Dan Hicks,but thats just my oppinion

  80. a.... s....

    this video is fucking awful

    a.... s....

    It is a bit grindingly literal.

  81. Q.... A....

    1:18 I watched this movie having this scene but I forgot the movie's name. Can anyone help me?

    Q.... A....

    Looks like it was a "Three Stooges" film? c:

  82. C.... R....

    http://www.yourtango.com/2016289193/8-reasons-scorpio-women-are-best-zodiac-love
    Love Tom Waits

  83. M.... A....

    nice job :)

  84. b.... ....

    SOooooo......I have this friend who keeps sending me this song when he drinks too much. OK, buddy: you can put the bottle away now.......I got your message.
    ~ RED ☮♥♫

  85. R.... R....

    The piano has been drinking, my necktie is asleep
    And the combo went back to New York, the jukebox has to take a leak
    And the carpet needs a haircut, and the spotlight looks like a prison break
    And the telephone's out of cigarettes, and the balcony is on the make
    And the piano has been drinking, the piano has been drinking...
    And the menus are all freezing, and the light man's blind in one eye
    And he can't see out of the other
    And the piano-tuner's got a hearing aid, and he showed up with his mother
    And the piano has been drinking, the piano has been drinking
    As the bouncer is a Sumo wrestler cream-puff casper milktoast
    And the owner is a mental midget with the I.Q. of a fence post
    'Cause the piano has been drinking, the piano has been drinking...
    And you can't find your waitress with a Geiger counter
    And she hates you and your friends and you just can't get served without her
    And the box-office is drooling, and the bar stools are on fire
    And the newspapers were fooling, and the ash-trays have retired
    'Cause the piano has been drinking, the piano has been drinking
    The piano has been drinking, not me, not me, not me, not me, not me

    R.... R....

    Caspar Milquetoast, not Casper Milktoast.

  86. s.... ....

    i love it

  87. K.... W....

    Beautiful song, but the video is an absolute abomination.

    K.... W....

    It’s alright, just unneeded

    K.... W....

    Give me a break, so don't watch it in that case. Song is still great...

    K.... W....

    abomination.... lmao. STFU pls. click off then. youre here for tom waits right?

    K.... W....

    Go fuck yourself, snowflake

    K.... W....

    Fits well into the theme of the song. The character's a drunkard, a broken man. A broken video cobbled with everything the author could find is perfect.

  88. T.... P....

    I hate sandcastles! good for you little man!! lol

  89. J.... M....

    Genius. Awesome lyrics. Awesome imagery...Brilliantly compiled.

  90. A.... �....

    These photos... Congratulations dude. Seriously

    A.... �....

    Arda Örem “

    A.... �....

    Coverini yap bir de senden dinleyelim.

    A.... �....

    *petition to make this the official music video

  91. N.... L....

    I like what you did there.

  92. O.... A....

    I have to be a vanilla soft dna to not been moved by a large song

  93. A.... v....

    Awesome!

  94. J.... J....

    Obama heard this song and then wrote his new executive actions.

    J.... J....

    +Carl Ri Don't quit your day job.

    J.... J....

    Get off, don't mix this Poetry with politics, barf.

  95. b.... ....

    I just can't picture anyone but Tom Waits singing that song. No, not even Randy Newman.

    b.... ....

    +bobbyknightmare Dan Hicks & His Hot Licks does it justice.

    b.... ....

    +Michael Wheasler Alright man. I never hear anybody ever talk about Dan Hicks.I love that guy.

    b.... ....

    i can only imagine eels singing it other than tom.

  96. M.... G....

    this sux

  97. U.... ....

    Me, I've been drinking.