Miller-Heidke, Kate - I'm Growing A Beard Downstairs For Christmas Lyrics




When I was a girl
Just a little girl
I couldn't wait 'til I became a woman
And I could grow a thatch of curls
A deep dark forest to keep me warm in this cold world
And days became weeks
Weeks became months
Months turned to years
And it was like magic
It grew and grew
The greatest bush
That the kingdom ever knew

But at the turn of the millennium
A fever gripped the land
It was decreed that all the women
Look like little girls again

But now I'm growing a beard downstairs for Christmas
Growing a downstairs beard for you
I'm growing a beard downstairs for Christmas
Growing it big, growing it thick, growin' it for you

Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas baby
I'm growing it strong and true
Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas baby

When I was a boy
Just a little boy
I was embarrassed by my body's changes
But then one day at the local pool
I saw a life guard with hair growing out of his anus
I was so impressed
It looked like Tom Selleck's chest
He was so proud as he towelled it down
I couldn't wait to cultivate
My very own hairy bum gown

But at the turn of the millennium
Spandex gripped the land
Every back sack and crack was attacked with wax
Now I'm growing it back
A gift for you to unwrap

Now I'm growing a beard downstairs for Christmas
Growing a downstairs beard for you
I'm growing a beard downstairs for Christmas
Growing it big, growing it thick, growin' it for you

Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas baby
I'm growing it strong and true
Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas baby

We'll keep each other warm at night
With our jingle bell hairy stalactites
We'll watch each other grow and grow
I'll stick to you
I'll stick to you
Like velcro

Now I'm growing a beard downstairs for Christmas
Growing a downstairs beard for you
I'm growing a beard downstairs for Christmas
Growing it big, growing it thick

Now I'm growing a beard downstairs for Christmas
Growing a downstairs beard for you
I'm growing a beard downstairs for Christmas
Growing it big, growing it thick, growin' it for you

Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas baby
I'm growing it strong and true
Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas baby





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Miller-Heidke, Kate I'm Growing A Beard Downstairs For Christmas Comments
  1. Beatrice Neniute

    I need this song this Christmas! Thank you for the wonderful song!

  2. Stan

    I can't stop laughing :D :D :D

  3. Argalexovejo

    I usually don´t like Christmas songs but, congratulations Kate, I like this one. <3

  4. ron gt

    Should have used this song for eurovision , staging would have been interesting , but really ninth place for zero gravity was an insult ,

  5. StukaUK

    Ha ha !
    Excellent.

  6. Loz Hou

    Why can't she sing this at Eurovision!!!

  7. Strewth88

    Merry Christmas. Legend song by legends

  8. Stephen McCarron

    hysterical... so good. How is it that I'm just hearing this song now? Best christmas song ever.

  9. Margie Raynor

    This should be the new Christmas anthem to knock Mariah Carey's song out of the popularity stacks! Hilarious and a stand against all those weirdos who want everyone to look like pre-pubescents. We have truly created a sick bunch of paedophiles and this song blows it all out of the water. Love it!

  10. Chloe Flickinger

    I first heard this at my doctors office i can't believe this is actually a song

  11. DARK4liberator

    A new Christmas season and a good song to have on my playlist ^^

  12. Beav Binet

    Please do a live version of this song!

  13. Ben Ostrowsky

    23 people still shave.

  14. Nik

    Absolutely wonderful Christmas song, the link in the description is broken, but this will get you to the right wesbite: http://www.decembeard.org.au/

  15. Zoe Loft

    I can’t stop laughing oh my god thank you for this gift 😂

  16. XyDz Media

    Christmas time again, time for my favourite Christmas song. 👌

  17. PETE J INGHAM

    As a transvestite I grew a beard because I was going bold? And when I would pluck my eye brows I would contemplate shaving cream in a nice pair shape of a love heart's under my arms my legs and felt like a new women!!! @peteingham #peatsridge07-8. lovely weekend??? 😀😆. how to take the piss out of feminism??? And do you have something I can sleep with!??? kidding... 😎 xzz

  18. Brendan Auld

    glorious

  19. Tchikanii

    This is exactly what the world needs to hear!

  20. indefinableification

    Australian kisses... like french kisses but down under

  21. Sharon Somers

    Can you imagine if they piped this in at the malls along with the Bing Crosby songs? Oh the confused looks on the holiday shoppers! LOL.

    Dario Western

    Sharon Somers Funnier than playing the Jesus & Mary Chain in a supermarket. :-D

  22. McLovin

    This is disgusting...I was just looking for beard care forums, and this came up

  23. Kite KatNine

    Merry Christrmas, Merry Christmas Baby ... I'm growing it strong and true ...

  24. jiganashi

    I came here because I havent heard from the Beards in a while. Now I have. I am happy.

  25. Dustin Robertson

    Thank you for reaffirming why Christmas is my favorite holiday. :)

  26. Megan Obrien

    Two of my fav artists :) YEEES but why do i find this AFTER christmas!!!!!

  27. Lamb Sauce

    OK this song is messed, but props for actually doing it

  28. nuke mecca

    I didn't know Johann beardraven had such a pop music sounding voice.

  29. Joker11297

    Very twisted, I love it.

  30. Denine S

    Funniest Christmas song on The Cutting Edge of Christmas internet radio station!

  31. Quicksilver1111

    Hilariously dirty. Keep making songs like this, Kate Miller-Heidke <3

  32. Cicjose

    Merry Christmas everyone

  33. Angela Young

    Kate you're a cack up! So funny! Glad there was no music video for that one though. Merry Christmas :-)

  34. Rishan Dante

    This is what Christmas jingles should sound like! lol

  35. Ron Harper

    I like some hair down there. I like it a lot.

  36. tui rose

    Saw this live and it was AMAZING!

  37. Fiona Barrie

    I love this. I know young women who really think the height of their growing up is waxing what their body naturally grows. yay stay neat but be a grown up. oh yes, someone should send this to Cameron Diaz referenced to her Graham Norton interview. She will laugh herself silly. cudos kate!

  38. Anthony Wallis

    No.1 Cristmas song `2015 HAHA

  39. Ukulele Road Trips

    do bowel cancer Australia promote it, or try to prevent it? it's confusing.

  40. Maddy robo

    +Lani Goodgame hi!

  41. humdrummer

    Bring back the bush

  42. Autumn N.

    Neil Gaiman shared this on his facebook.. Perfection <3

  43. Tony Aitken

    Forget X Factor for Christmas, this should be the Christmas Number One.

  44. Peter Hall

    The very best Festive song ever!!! Hilarious xx

  45. luvncrazi

    F*ck, I love you.

  46. Neil Purkis

    Love it :)

  47. Brainy Boods

    This song is hilarious... THATS WHY I LOVE IT!!!😂😂😂😂😂😂❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️👨👨👨👨💂💂💂💂😆😆😆 All body hair is excepted

    Cas Sim

    Accepted*

    James Welch

    +Cass Stemp are you serious?

  48. Ben Berry

    Hey how's it going? It's excellent. stitch pickle !!

  49. Matt Zeven

    Beautiful

  50. Philip Day

    funny indeed

  51. John Stinchcomb

    Ginger beards, ginger beards, ginger beards rock.
    Ginger beards flow in gingery locks.
    Showing and growing up bushes of fun
    Now the ginger crop has begun.

    Merry Christmas to all my fellow bearded gingers!

  52. Raz Tilley Music

    I'd also recommend a FOBT for DECEMBOWEL.

  53. pillspoo

    Why is Youtube only showing my views?

    DfromtheSCC

    +pillspoo Because you are growing your downstairs beard with honour this Christmas.

    Zoë

    Lol I'm the same😂😂

    TheGreaser59

    +pillspoo Maybe because youre tho only one who watches thic crappy song :)

  54. pluggedinpete

    Smuttiest christmas song for years. Brilliant!

  55. Steven Bishop

    Pure genius.

  56. Adam Dallas

    http://youtu.be/af7LwnA913g

  57. Ray Mason

    Im back in fashion

  58. Nikolas Zivanas

    Well, that was unexpected - in the best way possible! :D

  59. Rober Nolli

    <3 The best christmas song ever <3 salut!

  60. Tess Swindley-Barnes

    a shit day made considerably better now, this song is already in my head! it made me laugh out loud♥

  61. Hugh Llewellyn

    Yesssss! I'll never understand the need for adults to rid themselves of all their body hair so they look like prepubescent children. Grow the hair! It belongs there! Chest, underarms, legs, butts, pubes. Trim a little if you must, but I love the fluff. <3
    Well, ok, not back hair. hahaha
    Even I have my limits. ;)

  62. Craig ZIllmann

    This song is everything I dreamed it would be!!! 😍

  63. Bartosz Pawłowski

    Beardly.. love it ;D

  64. DARK4liberator

    When I was a boy! Just a little boy!

  65. Meri Amber

    Love ❤

  66. YouTubeSingers.com

    Awesome ! ! !

  67. adam spong

    #Bowel #cancer #awareness #bowelcancer

  68. Vera-Lynn Youden

    This just may be the best Christmas song going!!! 💝💝💝

  69. AnarchyAlive87

    Best Xmas song ever!

  70. Anon Amous

    best Christmas song ive heard 😂

  71. noelani goodgame

    Odd topic for a song, but I like it!

  72. Bradley George

    Hahahahaha this is brilliant! Fucking hilarious!!

  73. Ian McLaughlin

    A very welcome addition to my (already) dodgy Xmas list!

    Lucas Vaillancourt

    +Ian McLaughlin do please post a list, i would love to hear more dodgy xmas songs

    Muffin Lizard!

    +Lucas Vaillancourt this isn't dodgy! It's F'ing amazing

  74. thesaucyteapot

    I didn't know how much I needed this in my life until now.

    Les Wever

    +thesaucyteapot Agreed!

    Dustin Robertson

    +thesaucyteapot Now you know why Christmas is my favorite holiday. :)

  75. RAM DASHCAM

    #BeardsFTW
    (even on women)

  76. Samantha McGuane

    Love it

  77. Aaron Newport

    Amazing  Truly a masterpiece

  78. BelSnail

    Amazing.

  79. Emily Nottelling

    New Favorite Song