Flatsound - Learning To Hate You As A Self Defense Mechanism Lyrics

All the space in between- this guy's podcast with a lovely girl called Billie

"You never called me on my birthday, I wanna call you on your birthday"


>Be me
>15th birthday
>No messages this morning
>...oh.jpg
>Go downstairs
>Get greeted by mum, says happy birthday and shit
>I say thanks and all, I wait around for friends to message me or something
>Get a few happy birthdays but nothing really, nobody comes to the door
>Tfw I realise my friends don't seem to care about me much.
>Damn.wav
>Get really depressed and decide to just go to my local nature reserve with my phone and sit by the lake listening to music with my headphones
>Make a special playlist just for my birthday, got songs by the beachboys and some soft music
>Travelling...

>Get there, sit down by the lake and play.
>Start to cry
>Nobody loves me.
>Why the fuck is my life so shitty
>Nobody turned up for my birthday or probably didn't even remember


"You were always a shitty friend"


>Remember childhood friend aka my best friend who I hung around with
>ohyeah.mp3
>They haven't shown up either.
>Didn't even really message me
>Tfw you'd always turn up for their birthday and special events because you cared
>Can't have nice things.
>Aloneinpark.wav
>In tears, complaining to my other friend, one of my only friends who seems to care


"I wanna call you on your birthday"


>They tell me it's gonna be okay and if I wanna do anything
>I say yeah I guess
>Go over to their house
>They spend time talking with me on their front garden
>They got me a cake
>Dying of appreciation

>Some other shit too but nothing stupid expensive or whatever, but something special (A necklace)
>I'm smiling
>They take me to the cinema with their dad, we watch some shitty horror movie after their dad left us to do whatever in the cinema
>Goodtimes.
>I'm feeling better
>I love my friend
>Get driven back after the movie with them
>Get home
>No birthday cake from my mum or any real surprise or nothing, just a welcome back.
>They got me a present though
>This old ass walkman I have been asking for for ages and some other stuff I don't remember
>Happiness noise
>Smile.



Birthday saved by my friend, thank you Kiwi for making my day better when everything was all grim and sad. You're a good bean. <3

Well it's my birthday. And nobody called.

It’s been a year and a half, i hope one day you’ll realize you’ll never find a man who loved you the way I did. And sadly, still do

the little bit of if we could just pretend at the end just broke me

You said you liked me, you make me believe that you liked me. I felt happy I believed that I was likable. I believed you. You told me you loved me I trusted you. I though you were different I didn’t think you were going to hurt me. I thought for once someone was going to be apart of my life for awhile I believed you, I believed. It was a mistake I miss you please I miss you. I opened up to you I loved talking to you please I miss you
Please

ok I like sad music, but this is something else..

i wish we were soulmates
i love you

How else am I supposed to feel when you treated me the way you did? What else would you expect me to do? Baby, I have limits.

even just the title hits hard on this one. makes me think of my moms suicide, how i told myself i hated her so id hurt less because of her

I love the quiet ringing in the end, it's just such a nice little narrative touch to the song.

i keep wishing i never met you, or i could forget you but i know if that were the case, id probably regret it. i still cherish what we had, it meant the world to me. if we never met, id be content with being lonely but you changed my world and showed me something better. something better to strive for, to look forward to- and it haunts me. i keep screaming about wanting you back in my life, how i miss you, im sorry for everything im sorry i couldnt be what you wanted. maybe i was almost perfect but i didnt quite make the cut. i was so close to keeping you safe and happy forever like you said i would but i didnt meet your expectations. maybe i just wasnt worth keeping around anymore.

i loved you so fucking much, i still do. i thought you loved me too, because you said so. but apparently not. you said youre not ready for a relationship and that your mental health couldnt take being in one. but why are you crying after someone new then? whats that all about? you didnt fucking care about me. all you did was lie. youre high all the time but you arent thinking about me even then. whyd you let me say i love you so many times. why did you make me think you loved me too. whyd you kiss me.

why did you let me do all that and let me believe that you were there for me. i fuckign hate this feeling. i get jealous because you talk about someone you have a crush on. you left me a MONTH ago how have you forgotten about us that easily. i almost threw up today because you wore my shirt. i dont want to know you. i want you to be a stranger to me.

too My Princess Matthew.

Story of my life though

So many toxic people in this chat

lyrics:

you’re on the phone with someone who doesn’t know
about your soul, and how it can’t be held by flesh and bone
and i guess that’s fine
i would never want you to stop your life
but when i saw you both with your shoulders touching
sitting so close

i knew i’d hold onto this feeling
i’d hold onto anything at all
was it my fault?
because i easily confused you as someone who would hold my hand
when things got hard, when things got dark
because oh my god, when they get dark
they get so dark

you were always a shitty friend
and you would leave when i got sick
you never called me on my birthday
i wanna call you on your birthday
so i’ll hold onto this feeling
i’ll hold onto this hate
for as long as i need it to help me

I'm sorry i was the shitty friend always 💔

you're on the phone
with someone who doesn't know
about your soul and how it
can't be held by flesh and bone
and i guess that's fine
i would never want you to
stop your life
but when i saw you both
with your shoulders touching
sitting so close

i knew i'd hold on to this feeling
i'd hold on to anything at all
was it my fault
because i easily confused you
for someone who would hold my hand
when things got hard
when things got dark
because oh my god
when they get dark
they get so dark

you were always a shitty friend
and you would leave when i got sick
you never called me on my birthday
i want to call you on your birthday
so i'll hold on to this feeling
i'll hold on to this hate
for as long as i need
for it to help me

today is my birthday and i feel so alone so i’m laying on my bed listening to this song and thinking of you. i wonder if there will ever come a day where i don’t think of you.

There will be a day when it stops hurting and you’ll be able to move on from it, maybe not today or tomorrow but some day it will. I hope have an amazing birthday nonetheless ! 🎂💕🎊

lena h. thank u soo much i hope u have a wonderful day☺️💖!

damn this song is reminding me of my ex-best friend who was the closest and only person in my life who i felt cared about me. I knew him for almost 6 years. And its been about over a year since i cut ties with him because it ended up turning toxic and took a toll on my mental health... And to get over the feeling of needing him i convinced myself that i hated him.. Yet I hate that i still hold onto the happy memories, and the feeling of having someone to rely on in my life. His birthday was last month, and i still have his number saved, I'll admit i felt like wishing him a happy birthday. Life without him feels like a weight off my shoulders, but its still just as lonely.

i just got out of a really shitty, toxic friendship with someone and this song is really hitting home right now.

we fell in love
we were happy
we fell out of love
mutually broke up
i was ok for a while
then i realized
i was still in love with you
but you moved on
you became distant
i broke down
i didnt know what i did wrong
i dont know what i did wrong
please come back
i want it to be like it was before
i miss you.

Listening to this at 2:00 am and crying because my friend broke my heart

hey. our friends tell me that you still ask about me. you ask if i still hate you. you say you still love me. it’s been around two years this november. getting rid of you was the hardest thing i’ve ever done. i’m so glad i did it. you were always a shitty friend.

my best friend became a stranger. It's so hard to hate her, but i have to.

"i easily confused you, for someone who would hold my hand"

I'm listening to this drunk, in my bathroom.

I told a kid I recently met "dont take it personal I just hate everyone" he said "but why". I didn't answer but man when you've lost so many people you really dont feel like loving more people you know you'll lose and all my friends are seniors and will leave me and soon after ill leave all my friend to go to another state and ill never see them again so I might as well hate everyone around me

you’re not a bad person
you’re too amazing for your eyes
but god, i want to hate you

you try so hard
at all the wrong times
and i’m not sure if you’d respond
if i told you
i needed to hold someone’s hand

why does everything hurt?
i don’t want my therapist
to dislike you

why does everything hurt?
i wish i could dislike you

but i just hate the things you do
and how i feel
how i feel
how i feel

do i matter?

I was not ready to say goodbye. Couldn't you just wait until I fell out of love? God fucking damnit. I love you.
Can you believe he told me he loved me even when we parted ways? Such a cruel thing to do.
He left for his own sake, going somewhere new and clean without fear where he could restore himself. I know he needs that, I was so glad he made the choice to be okay. But fuck, I love him so much like I haven't loved anything else in my life.
He called me beautiful all the way to the train station, he dared to kiss me while whispering how precious I was to him. And then he left.
He's not coming back in years and
Fuck
It hurts
And I can't hate you. Thats the worst part. I never could.
You said we shouldn't speak because you need to learn to love yourself to make it through and silence so you won't hurt yourself on purpose.
I wish that I could fully understand, yet I believe in every word you said. That's why I said I'll wait even though now it stings so badly.
Even though I'm crying on my birthday as everybody sings because the only thing that comes to my mind is how much you hated yours and the nightmares you had in which you sat alone in the dark in front of a cake that had written "the saddest tiger in the world".
And how you looked when you told me about it, how unbelievably beautiful you are even when you're in pain.
It's not the same looking at the stars without you. Everything great tastes half heartedly good when you're not with me.
Please come back someday. Please, don't abandon me forever. Please keep loving me the way you did.
And please, get well. I need your smile in my life.

my cat loves this song

Sarah, I'm sorry. You know who this is. You keep dancing, Batman. I'll never hurt you again. I'm sorry, and I really did love you. Nib.....

“You were always a shitty friend” just breaks me every time

you were always a shitty friend
and you would leave when i got sick
you never called me on my birthday
i want to call you on your birthday 😔

:)))))))))))

I just want to move on, but you broke me and keep trying to come back into my life.
You were never a good friend.

I still hate you.
I still miss you.

i miss you.. I miss us.. I miss the way you held me , the way you whisper in my ear and told me everything was gunna be okay.. I miss that.

You hurt me, quite a lot.
Lotta shit happened, but I stuck with you no matter what.
I don't even know why.
I hear voices now, the pressure broke my mind.
I will still stick by your side, hoping one day you'll decide to fix me.
But for now, I guess all you can do is hurt me.

"you were always a shitty friend"

I'm suddenly having a sad song listening marathon.. and now I think I'm depressed even more. fml.

This song has gotten me through so much, I’d appreciate it if you guys could check out my cover for it. I made the cover during a very dark time in my life.

You're not around anymore. I never got to say I'm sorry. I never got to tell you everything I wanted to say. I miss you every day. Six years is such a long time, I wish you were around so I could show you this song. I bet you would have grown into a beautiful person if you had the chance .

Dear old best friend *sends song*

I have fallen and I can't get up

I’m in love with the fact that almost everyone is venting in the comment section. It a really shitty and demented way, it comforts me. Makes me feel a little bit less alone.

i cried reading these comments paired with the song

“you were always a shitty friend”

we aren't friends anymore, and that's okay. it wasn't your fault. i could tell you still wanted to be friends.
your mom will never agree with me. she thinks im disgusting, she thinks im going to "turn you" gay.
sorry about your shitty mom.

♫ *A Different Age* ♪ : [ *TRUE* ] / I Love to You *My Eternal Beloved* [Inès] ♥

thank you for this masterpiece. you broke my heart.

My father is dying. Probably this week. He used to be my hero and my favorite person, I used to love every minute with him, but then I grew up. I realized he was never a father but a playmate, never my cheerleader but I was his. He needed me more than I needed him.

I feel so conflicted over whether I'll mourn him or mourn who he could have been for me. Right now it's easiest to hate him, to be angry, to hold on to this self righteous indignation. I've known he's dying for two years and hidden my conflict behind jokes, dark humour, just shoving it all under the rug, and now...

What do I do? I can't even tell if I hate him or not, if I miss him or not, if I'm guilty over it all or not.

This is what your narcissism does to your child.

How does one feel about it?

For now, I'll hold on to this hate as long as I need it.

Every time I listen to this it hits harder. Wow.

His voice is so vulnerable in this song

i dont cry

You don’t talk to me bc she put shit in your fragile little head even tho I was there for you when you were at your lowest, I fixed you when you were not eating, when you’d get stomach aches so bad because you were so broken, you became so angry for no reason, you turned me into you. Now you’re happy with her, your new girl, she reminds me of myself. A pleasant little dreamer, a good girl, but a condescending girl. You’ll control her too, cut her friends out of her life, and maybe she will break your heart, but just know. When you come begging for me like I begged for you, you’ll know the pain I felt. How dying would seem like the better option, the pain in your chest unbearable. I hope you understand the desperation, and the loss. I hate you for doing this to me, but I’ll be okay. You taught me a painful lesson I needed to learn, and I hope you get your lesson soon. Here’s to 9 months wasted out of my life, and better months to come

this is the most beautiful song i have heard in years.

... i would never want you to , stop your life

but when i saw you both , with your shoulders touching
sitting so close ...

I wanna call you today, on your birthday, but I won’t. I’ll hold on to this hate, because you found somebody else and left me here, all alone

the thing is, i don't hate you. No matter how hard i try, it only lasts for a minute. you were my best friend, and maybe that's cheesy, or childish, but it was true. i still love you, and i always will, even when you stop loving me.

i didnt get to say goodbye. i love you. rest in peace

The title of this song fits incredibly well in my life for some time now. Thanks again for you music :)

This reminds me of my abusive best friend in high school. It hurt so much when they cut me off, what they said to me, seeing them around at school. Months later when they wanted to guilt me into being friends with them again because I didnt beg for them to talk to me that time, it hurt all over again saying no.
Years later it makes me sick to remember what they said, did, how they treated me and I am so glad I didnt let them back in.
I never learned to hate them, though. Maybe I was too used to being treated that way by my mum all my life.
I still miss them and knowing that makes me feel even more sick than the memories.

_"you were always a shitty friend, you would leave when i got sick."_
my heart aches at the fact that my mind finds immediate relation to these words.

Indonesia hadir

i think of my dad who denies that my anxiety exists even though I don’t talk at school and come home crying sometimes. “was it my faultbecause, I easily confused you for someone who would hold my hand”

anyone else hear "if we could just pretend" in the background before the phone call.

i miss her...

I relate. So so much

Within the deepest depths of hurt what else was I supposed to do?

This is sad and beautiful just like her eyes

i cant even relate do this song because i don't have any friends or not at least that close but ..... if .. it would be ME who wouldn't call anyone on their birthday because of ... anxiety

i got dumped because he found out i have depression and said he couldn’t do anything to make me feel better. attempted to kill myself a dozen times now but kept thinking if he comes back to me i’d feel better. asked him for a second chance to prove myself that depression will not change the way i love him. got rejected again. recently i found out that he has a new girlfriend (a month after our break-up). i don’t know what to feel anymore. i guess this is goodbye, talking into the void because my parents hate me for being suicidal. my life is pathetic.

It’ll get better

I think I am in love with you

at the end of the song you can hear quiet "song after song after song" which is from his other song "if we could just pretend"

This song reminds me of someone, a good friend I miss. If only he didnt abuse, objectify, and isolate me. It hurts to realize he only wanted one thing.

you lied to the police until you put me in a cell. i miss you.

I feel this song
But I'm the shitty friend

I hope you know that you mentally fucked me up, you're not the only one that was hurt, in fact I bet your fucking happy...you have friends, I don't anymore...and its my own fault. You said I made you cry, but you made me cry too..but you thought I shed "crocodile tears" just like in that vent art you made about me that I saw before I unwatched your deviantart account, you said that I can hate you all that I want, because that's your interpretation of me..that's all you think I do is hate you..fuck you, I have other emotions, I didn't want to hate you..I kept trying to get over it but it still lingered in my mind and it tortured me at random moments and it kept happening for 2017 to 2018 and now two months of this year..and here I am still talking about you in march..you may laugh with your friends and say that I'm pretending but that's because I'm some heartless monster to you...I'm afraid of being judged by you and your friends, having my profile and drawings pointed and laughed at by people who want nothing to do with me is just awful..then again it's the internet anyone could judge it but you and your group of friends I'm afraid of more due to how judgmental you and your friend were when you were making fun some kids ocs and Deviantart page. I can't watch Kubo and the Two Strings anymore because of you, since we watched it together on rabb.it .It just hurts me on the inside now..Regardless of all of this, I will use this as a learning experience, because that's how you treated me, you made that very clear in your tumblr pms.

Up at 12:20 AM and I'm listening to this thinking about my ex. Good timessssssss

i appreciate that you felt the need to end on good terms before cutting me out of your life for good. going to the movies to see venom with you and your family is something i won't ever forget. i hope you're smiling everyday just fine. that's really all i wanted for you. after 4 months of hearing nothing about you, i still lay awake at night wondering how i could've changed things around and how i could handle things differently in the future. thankfully, i've learned. thank you for being a chapter in my life that i learned from. don't forget to water your dog. all in all, i hope you're amazingly happy and doing what you want to do with your life. wherever you may be, and whatever you may be doing, i just hope you go to sleep at night happy.

She had me completely convinced that she cared about me. She told me she cared. But when things started to get dark she disappeared. And came back when it was convenient for her. I was going through the worst years of my life and she just left

Excerpt of my feelings that I'll never tell him: Do you remember Ivan when I was there through everything when I listen to you talk about how you loved her at 2:46 in the morning while I held in tears because I wanted so bad for her to be me remember when I was there when everyone left you when I defended you remember when you lied to me when you messed around with my best friend and I had to find out from her and pretend I wasn't hurt even though I went and cried in the school bathrooms remember when you told me you loved me and wanted to be with me when we talked about our future what happened cause now you don't even care enough to tell me happy birthday

im so so selfish. i hate myself

'' i dont hate you, but i do...but i also dont, coz i love you''

She treats you so bad you’re so sweet why why do you stay with her I’ve been here for you what’s wrong with me that you have to go back to the person who hurt you stop being so sweet stop touching me stop making me laugh stop because I think it’s killing me

Practically no one is going to read this, especially the person I'm writing about.

I loved you. You were the best thing that had or has happened to me. I'm so sorry I betrayed you. I failed you and we both know it.

I've said it before, but I am sorry and I truly regret what I did. If I could turn back time, I'd probably change nothing, because you deserve better than me.

He doesn't know us
not even you
he can't tell that you have
no heart for him to grasp


I think he's to blame,
I guess
because I think he figure it
out
but he won't let go


He keeps pushing
you away from me
from them
all of your responsibilities
you've conveniently forgotten


But I think I'm to blame as well,
I guess
I always knew
you'd slip away but
I wanted to believe something else


Now we don't talk
I wish you'd call
like you promised
when you left
when I knew
you were lying


Now I'm sure I'm
the only one to blame
I guess
I guess


I think I'm the only one to blame,
I guess
because I saw you slipping
and didn't try to catch you
because I was holding on
to this hatred I fostered for you
and never tried to catch you


I think you're the one to blame,
I guess
because you never
tried to catch yourself

I'm on the phone, with someone who doesn't know my soul.
it's been a year and some days, but am I happy and bored or just scared to leave?
there's someone else who's not mine to take, and yet something unravels in my heart.
we held hands once, a friendly gesture
his grasp lingered longer than it should've
in my other hand i cling to you tight.
am i in love and bored or just scared to leave?

Why is everyone just going one about their exes in this comment section?

I could never hate you. I could never regret falling for you. Or the bittersweet juices of the miserable nights I've spent staring at my ceiling. And it's f*cking discusting. I'm f*cking discusting. Because I'm so desperate, so- completely enveloped in you on a universal level to the point it's toxic for me.
I am a creep.

Even though she says she loves me I can't help but feel like it's all a lie.
They all lied to me, 5 people.
How do i know your not lieing too?
Please, i don't wanna think that anymore.

She was what I once called my best friend.
We would be there for each other no matter what happened or what the cost was.
We always traded gifts, to say we are inseperable. We cared for each other.

I hate you.
I say I hate you, now.
Despite all the trouble and damage you caused me, I miss you as apart of my life. You were once my closest friend.
Come on, Lillian, please get better so we can be friends again.

I think...this is my safe place.

its been a year

All this sensibility in his Lyrics and music and voice and everything. So much passion, he really seems to be a deep person